If you are impressed by various sporting events currently being held – UEFA European Champs, Wimbledon, US Olympic Trials in athletics & swimming – you should have seen the standards at the First Semi-Annual D’ohlympics.
The order of events was a modern-day decathlon, that would have the Greeks rolling in their graves. Regardless, a test of physical and mental durability, this multi-event relay of epic proportions tested every sinew of our characters.
It started at the track in Chelsea Piers
, and ended at the sporting mecca of Fat Cat
where the trophy presentations were made.
Order of events (winner):
1) 2km run (8:05, Mark)
3) Most sit-ups in 1 minute (45, Petski)
5) Pull-ups (17, James)
6) 100m sprint (8.59 secs, Gerra)
8) Mini golf (Gerra)
9) Shuffleboard (James)
10) Fastest pint (5.3 secs, Ed)
11) Table tennis (Gerra)
In a great test of our overall athletic abilities, there was glory for some, pain for most, and good fun for all. There were close battles for 1st and 2nd, the middle of the pack, and the bottom two. Everyone won at least one event and every race was close fought. Small margins proved the difference as did, with only short breaks between events, who had the better powers of recovery
James started off complaining about the lack of aquatic sports and ended up wining the shuffleboard and the pull-ups, proving he has both a soft touch and brute strength. The best looking throughout, he will be herein known as “Guns”.
Nicola earned the nickname “Delilah” by demanding that all beards be shaved off before the competition as they represented an unfair advantage. Her motion was shot down but she went on to kick ass in the basketball and beat many of the boys in the 100m sprint. The sole woman amongst a bunch of girls.
Spicer, as the sole man with the ability to grow a beard (have you seen Spencer’s effort?), earned the right to wear one. Winner of the basketball and in the top quartile in the sprint, vertical jump, table tennis and shuffleboard. Power in the legs and gentle arms, now we know why his wife loves him. Has definitely earned his birth cert name: Spicehawkdogmanchildcubfurrymotherfucherman.
Spence was surprisingly beaten in the golf but predictably won the pool. Predictable proof of a mis-spent childhood in Sheffield. Eamon demanded he be docked points for making him laugh during the push-ups and pull-ups. A factor in the distance run but not the sprint, I guess there is life in those skinny legs. Table tennis needs work. His best achievement was not dislocating his shoulder.
Gerra, the champion, Mr Versatility, and all round champ. Winner in four events, and also the title of Most Competitive. Took his wins gracefully like a True Gentleman, but we all kept quiet and walked away quietly when we beat him. Surprisingly poor at the fastest pint and needs to spend more time on the basketball court.
Eamo, Eamo, Eamo. Another True Gentleman, he felt it would be awkward if he won his own competition, so he let the others win most events. Null points in the fastest pint proves that he is the Best Athlete in the competition. The only Temple amongst a group of mere bodies. Won the vertical jump and the shuffleboard, the two events with the least co-ordination required.
Ed. Strong in the sports events, and given he has 50% less knee than the rest of us, did well in the athletics. Needs to work on his sit-ups (Sonia would you agree?). Champion drinker.
Mark entered the competition as an unkown entity and ended as a known entity. Started off well with a strong 2km run and also won the 100m sprint, let himself down in the table tennis and shuffleboard. Drinking ability in question.
Petski, represented Scandinavia with pride. Destroyed the field on the sit-ups and was strong in the ball sports. Ironman’s training paid off.